Archive for 2015


I've found myself carving out some valuable time to sit and write recently, only to stare at the blank page in front of me with absolute terror. In older days I saw a vast oasis of possibilities for my dark images to populate, and then rape and torture one another, now the page just looks right back at me and punches me in the gut.

A cruel twist of irony that only god or the devil or whatever fucking Turkey-like creature that controls everything in our universe could devise; now that I've found a bit of happiness to call my own I can't create anything for shit. Maybe the years of living and dwelling and sobbing inside my own head over the innumerable minutia of life that I inevitably put way too much value into would drum up valuable material to create things, but now trying to make a better version of myself just creates more mundane and mediocre work on the page.

I would hesitate to call myself the fearless leader of the Labs, as it has been and always will be a dual-helmed beast; much like a mutated polar bear, with two heads and three arms fucking ripping apart everything it sees move. And also, fearless is not something that would aptly describe me when it comes to creation. I'm riddled with self-doubt, biased perception of my own work, and lack of respect for the basics of craft-work. I would say that I am definitely a bewildered bystander, watching the three-armed, two-headed hulking beast of a polar bear who for some reason responds to the name "Coffee Cup Cunt" claw and chomp its way through a village of fishermen and fisherwomen and fisherchildren. Fisherdogs and fishercats are not allowed.

This is not a letter of resignation, this is a letter of invocation. Google tells me that invocation sorta means "the summoning of a deity or supernatural power" which is certainly what I need right now. I need some sort of inner-beast to rise up and spew out of my mouth with blood and vomit and guttural noises echoing throughout this Starbucks. No, I won't leave, I don't care if it's closing time, I am a godless monster who is unparalleled in any way that you can imagine, you should fear for your children as they will bow to me during my reign and not have the luxury of a swift, easy death that you will go through. Yes, I would like a refill for only fifty cents.

So although most of my days are filled with spreadsheets and emails that make my eyeballs crumble inside of themselves and my nights are filled with not eating this or not eating that and making sure I get enough steps in at the cost of my feet becoming little daggers that pierce the soft supple body of Mother Gaia with each step, I am going to chase down some of these things that used to float around inside the dimly-lit closets of my mind. I'm done giving a shit if what I make is good or not, I'm just gonna throw as much of it into the ether as I can and hope that it sets itself ablaze and brings this whole world down.

You can join me if you'd like.



Due: September 26th

Hot Doggin'


Doug, Doug, Goose.

Rando 5: Chuck

Here's a paintin', I painted it with paint. The paint that I used was paint.

Look at him, a nomad, nothing but his boots and his shadow. woah. deep. Like a modern day Picasso ova' 'ere.

Rando 5: Mike

in the spirit of "Nomadic life" i tried to make all my paints instead of using any store bought ones. i like this picture because you can see my failed hulk hogan wood carving at the top. hey lil guy. it's okay, your tortured existence will end soon enough. just go to sleep.

in the corner of my little stairwell area was a bunch of fine dirt kinda shit. i figured that'd be a good pigment to try. i read that mixing pigment with egg yolk was a good way to make some kinda paintish thing.

i also wanted to try to make a blue reduction sauce, so i grabbed the blueberries out of my dried berries blend. this was all I had really, fresh bluebs would've been way better.

heatin up da blueberries


plus dirt

equals yolk dirt

smashin up dried blueberries

here's the mix of yolk and dirt. it made a sort of greenish mud. figured i could try painting some shit while the blueberries still reduce.

oh yeah I also just painted with my fingers, cuz nomadic life.


here's the first reduction of blueberries. it came out kinda purpley pink, so i said fuck it and threw them back in the pot.

i also found some old jelly i had and tossed that in the pot to get a real purple color.

way more purps

here's the purple added. you can tell it's really forming now into a "Mike has no concept of how to paint things" kind of motif.

oh yeah i also grabbed some pollen and reduced that. i added some water, and old bay, and then a buncha egg yolks and some mustard. 

the result was an orangish color. i nearly barfed three or four times while painting with this because it smelled so fuckin bad. i'm not smart. i also don't want to use that pot anymore now.

here's the "finished" painting which still has wet yellow mustard crap on it. i'll probably hit it with a few coats of spray polyurethane, so it doesn't rot away/smell like butts. with more time and more research it'd probably be pretty cool to make pigments from berries and flowers and then turn them into paints. yeah, probably. 

I don't know what do you want to eat?

oh this place only has one star, forget it.

Photoshit: 20MM #2

I'll cut up the vid one day, but for now enjoy pics that my video camera automatically takes every 2 minutes or so.

Redemption 2: Charlie

fly like an eagle (skull)

Weekend Comics

Just click it, it'll be bigger.

PhotoShit: FYYCDT3

FYYCDT3: Results

Well the races are over and it looks like Mike is the winner with his metal design.

Although Chucks sweet bird skull car looked flashy,

it could not overcome the simple efficiency of Mikes car. Congratulations to both racers for making some sweet cars from scratch, however there can only be one winner. Now that the third Fuck You, You Can't Do That is over, here are the next steps:

1) Mike issues Chuck a redemption challenge
2) I make a prize for Mike
3) Mike issues the next the challenge

Ill have the prize for you in a bit, hopefully I can do what I want. So fuck you too buddy. 

Rando 4: Rios TAKE 2

Rios don't be so hard on yourself it looks pretty extreme.

Rando 4: Mike Attempt 2

I don't know man. I think it looks good.


Rando 4: Rios

    Hey guess what is impossible, shit, and something i'm terrible at. Give up? Its woodcarving, its fucking wood carving. God damn this is so hard, why is it so hard, why cant I produce anything at all. Have you ever had a stupid idea, and you know its a terrible idea but do it anyway? If not, see below and youll see what I mean.

See that right there, that was a ladder, cuz you know like no holds barred ladder match. Just to get it to that point took longer than I want to admit, so whatever, you win rando.

Rando 4: Mike


So on Tuesday I went hiking with a knife, and decided I'd find a fallen branch and carve it. I remembered that "No Holds Barred" aside from an awesome expression was also the name of a movie starring Hulk Hogan. I had visions of carving a crude but effective Hulkster, or "Rip" as he's known in the film, out of wood.

But, I'm not good at anything. As we will see:


shaping begins

theres the hogan chin. that's basically where i shouldve stopped, and called it "abstract"

hideous elephant man face beginning

more gross

wood is structurally compromised. losing features.

left eye is lost. popeye mouth formed. fuck my life.

Yeah so the wood I grabbed was still wet inside and instead of a firm, rough cut from the knife, I got a crumbly feta cheese cut a lot of the time once I went in a little deeper. 

I was going to retry last night but I fell asleep on my couch listening to opie and anthony podcasts.

This is especially damming because Charlie made the best thing I've ever seen from a Rando challenge. fuck you charlie. 


April 22nd Convo:

but the wood kept crumbling
cuz it was wet inside
so i kept losing my features
so i gotta try tonight again

lol as if i could do features

i mean
"features" is a loose term
charlies will be amazing

Chris Rios
well yeah